Tila Tequila’s Tears Of Joy

For those of us who watched the season Finale of MTV’s A Shot At Love (don’t judge me, I’m spending this summer consuming as much commercial popular culture as possible), we saw the show’s unequivocal star get her heart broken for the second time, this time by a woman. I know what you’re thinking, “it’s another one of those bum ass reality shows, who gives a fuck?” and honestly, I’d probably be asking the same thing if one of my friends had written a blog about Survivor or Big Brother 73 or Milf Island. The thing is, I feel that the stars of these reality shows are genius, and I’ll explain why.

Lets assume, just for the sake of me being able to make my point, that all 32 contestants who showed up for the first episode really wanted to fall in love with Tila Tequila. Let’s also assume that the contestants who were on the show long enough to even begin to have feelings for her, actually genuinely felt what they portrayed feeling while on camera. Let’s take it a step further and assume that there was nothing scripted about this show except for the challenges (hell, let’s say that the challenges were completely spontaneous) and Tila herself had feelings for these guys and girls. Let’s assume that A Shot At Love was completely real. With these assumptions, it’s hard to imagine Tila’s tears being tears of joy when the girl of her dreams, Christine or Christina, I can’t remember, turned down her key – but they were.

The thing is, Tila knew exactly what she was doing. Sure, she was probably in love with Christine or Christina, but Tila knew that she wasn’t ready to take that giant step and place her faith in an ugly Asian girl. Tila also knew that Bo (or Beau? I’ll go with Bo because it’s faster to type; also, I’ll be using Christine also) really wanted to be with her. Why does this make sense, you ask. Because turning down Bo and choosing Christine, who she knows will ultimately turn her down do to a lack of readiness and experience in a lesbian relationship, would open up the door for her to have another television show – which is genius – and it’s exactly what professional athletes do. When faced with the option of choosing between love and money, they’re taking the money every time. In fact, it’s they’re love of the money that keeps athletes moving from city to city (read: Elton Brand) and it’s what keeps reality stars on television.

Look at the formula – one created by The Bachelor – you have a guy (or girl) that a plethora of girls (or guys or both) are going to compete over. This in itself is fascinating to the American public. MVT and VH1 have taken it a step further and have chosen celebrities to be the ones searching for love – and when they don’t find it, they come back for another season. Flavor Flav, Bret Michaels and Tila Tequila have worked the system to perfection, and it’s genius. They’re making they’re money by breaking hearts looking for love. This shit happens every day – and this is why New York is the most intelligent reality star of all time.

Stay Hideous
-PB

(Word count to date: 33,768
67 days and 66,232 words to go)