Leave of absence

I've spent hours at my computer with finger tips patiently waiting for my mind to manufacture the words they'd normally be moving onto my flat-screen monitor and just as many hours in bed with my notebook at side, pen in hand, ready to transcribe ideas that just never came since yesterday afternoon -- when I found out my grandmother had been hospitalized, I'll spare the details.

I've tried writing, but I can't. Since I got a text message telling me my grandma was in the hospital (really? I couldn't even get a phone call?) I've written a total of 119 words. 119. Hours of trying to get words out of my system and I was able to get down a total of 119 damn words. Terrible. I've written much more than the 30-something thousand words I've posted on this blog because I really do write every day, I just can't post a lot of it because either A) it hasn't been completed yet, B) it became way too personal and I just don't trust you or myself enough to posr it on a blog, or C) it was just too shitty. I've never gone a day and a half of wanting to write and turned out so little, and what I did write falls under all three of the catagories I just mentioned -- not done, personal, and shitty.

So I've decided that I'm not going to write -- or at least I'm not posting anything on this blog -- until I know she's going to be better, or at least until she's able to leave her hospital bed. It's just not a good time. I've never lost anyone close to me so, suffice to say, the news was a little hard on me. I can't write, for the second night in a row I'm up well past two (for those of you who don't know me I'm rarely up past 12 on a normal night) and, if that wasn't enough reason, I just don't feel like anything I've written over the course of the last three to four weeks has been worth anyone's time.

I'm apologizing in advance if I seem a bit distant to those of you I'm close with these next few days, I'll do what I can not to be.

Get well soon, Grandma. Hopefully I'll blog again soon.