Phillip on this, Phillip on that

Phillip on the Democratic National Convention so far…

I was strangely consumed with one speech in particular last night, Mark Warner’s, for two reasons. One, he looked plastic and looked like he was taken right out of the cartoon “American Dad” and two, he was a terrible speaker with an amazing message. I sat on my bed late last night (I didn’t get to see it live because I was working) both amazed and disgusted at the same time. He often paused for roaring applauses he was sure would come, but didn’t, and had one of the corniest voices I’ve ever actually sat and listened to (and I wouldn’t have if his speech wasn’t so good). But he caught my attention early when he said that the race for the future was the most important race we’re currently in – and it can’t be won with a president who is stuck in the past. That shit was brilliant, however, not as brilliant as Bob Casey’s speech.

I don’t remember anything that fucker said, but he had that whole crowd chanting “four more months” twice during the course of his speech. Not four more years, but four more months of that Republican bullshit that has been tearing this country down for eight years. I only watched Hillary Clinton’s speech just to see Bill Clinton’s reactions. If you missed it last night, you missed seeing the proudest man in America while Hillary spoke. I mean, if you could have seen the faces that fucker made you would have been envious of the love (or admiration) he had for Hillary. It was ridiculous and disgusting and amazingly entertaining to watch. And when Hillary mentioned Bill’s administration in the 90s, he leaned back with that “yeah, I did that face.” I was in tears from laughing so hard. I’m interested in seeing Bill Clinton’s speech tonight. It could be the funniest speech yet, or the most disturbing as far as Obama’s candidacy goes. Either way, it’s must see TV.

Phillip on women and ex-GFs…

Before I get on my rant about ex-girlfriends (well, I actually won’t be ranting because I’m above that shit) I just want to point out that pretty women are the root of all evil. There is a saying that is along the lines of “everything is done to pay the mortgage.” Well, for those of us renting out apartments, everything is done to please a pretty woman. I know every dude in the world who thinks he’s the pimp of the year or just has a glut of hoes on his jock is going to say that he doesn’t need to do shit to please a woman – well, that’s where you’re absolutely wrong. There is nothing more capable of making a great day terrible or a terrible day great than a pretty woman, and this truth is becoming more and more evident as I watch the moods of my friends change simply by communicating (or not communicating) with different women – hell, I’m even a victim of this from time to time (calm down Davion hahaha). I just wanted to let all of the fellas know, stay away from pretty girls if you can! They’ll murder your soul (and to all of the pretty women out there reading this, I don’t really mean that!).

One more thing, my boy Davion and I went out to a club together for the first time last weekend (you think that’s weird, we’ve known each other for about seven years or so and actually shook hands for the first time a couple weeks ago, strange indeed). I must say, we were totally caught off guard by the drunken bitches in the club that night (I’m only calling them bitches because I didn’t know all of their names individually hahahaha). I was actually disgusted not only by them, but by dudes who don’t have enough game to pick up sober girls. I mean, it’s obviously easy to pay a few dollars to get into a club and walk out with some broad who had one too many. Dudes, step your games up, ladies, stop drinking so much because niggas like us laugh at you and write blogs about it (yeah, you too Jessica, I told everyone about you falling while trying to dance with me hahahaha!). Drunk girls are overrated, but best believe we’re going back for the sheer comedy. I’m tripping drunk girls on purpose next time.

About a week and a half ago my (ex) friend Fernando came into town. He and Davion did their little dance thing then we all met up at KFC (I know I know, make your black people love chicken jokes. If I choose the restaurant, however, it would have been churches, KFC is more overrated than Megan Fox). Well, we all hung out at the restaurant for way too long cracking jokes and shit like we were in high school at McDonalds after school. Well, my ex-girlfriend walked in with some scrub ass nigga (I’m not saying this because I'm jealous, I’m saying it because he still has a fucking s-curl in 2008). I had my back to the door so I didn’t see her walk in, but Davion did, but didn’t recognize her at first. I’m pretty sure his exact words were “damn, who’s that fine bitch over there, she looks like Ebony.” So, naturally, I turn around to see this girl, and it’s, of course, Ebony. I turn back around without making any eye contact with her because she’s crazy (you were right on point Celia, don’t let your brother date any half black half Mexican girls, they’re wild) and I didn’t want to talk to her. Fernando’s bum ass had never seen her before and was like “how could you let her go,” and Davion was, I’m about to prove that I am, in fact, a nigga by referencing this movie, but hey, it’s fucking hilarious, like DL Hugley’s character in “The Brothers.” You remember, after Morris Chestnut and Gabrielle Union broke up and then she showed up to the club with some other nigga and DL was like, “that’s not even her type.” Well, that’s exactly what Davion was doing, but way funnier. So I got one dude to the left of me telling me that I’m stupid for letting her go just because she was pretty (well, maybe he should go and get a pretty girlfriend and stop worrying about my ex, ouch) and another basically talking trash about her for being with a scrub and I was just sitting there thinking, “man, your main niggas care way more about your ex girlfriend than you do.” And it’s true. We all hate (or admire?) our friends ex-girlfriends more than they do. It’s in interesting dynamic within the male community, and I feel like it’s completely different for women. Women and their friends all hate whoever’s ex it is equally, and that shit is weird. I just thought I’d share the story since I had nothing else to talk about.

Phillip on having roommates…

For about the last two years I had been living by myself (single dorm for the 2006-2007 school year and a studio from that summer until this past July). It’s been a month since we’ve moved in and I have to say that it’s been better than I expected. Sure, they could be a little cleaner (bastards need to learn how to wash out my fucking pots and pans after they cook shit, hungry ass niggas), but outside of that, they’ve been cool. One of the guys, Dhevin, I’ve known him since his day of birth. He’s my mom’s best friend’s son, so he’s always been around. The other guy, Darryl, is his best friend and I’ve known the nigga four about for years. Davion and I basically looked after these little niggas while we were in high school and taught them to be just like us, and it’s scary how they’re the younger versions of us. It’s been good having them around so far because they’re fucking hilarious, chips off of the proverbial blocks. I’m cool as long as they keep their asses in school and out of trouble (and out of my damn bed, I’ll murder them if they bring one of their little skeezits in my room!). Nice.

Phillip on Halloween…

I’ve decided that I’m going to dress up as Prince this year. At first, I was joking around (if you’ve heard me say this before) but since Halloween is no where near NBA’s opening day this year and Davion found a basketball court that can’t be any higher than 8-feet high, I think it’s imperative that we take the video camera out on Halloween and get a game going on that court. Best believe that I’m going to be dunking on everyone who goes out. Game. Blouses.

Phillip on music…

I had a conversation with a friend the other day that had me coming to the conclusion that every artist that I can’t stand had a terrible debut album. With that being said, I’ve come up with a list of my top 20 favorite debut albums of all time (not the best, just my favorite – so I don’t want anyone ripping me a new one if the list looks weird, I’m looking at you Turner lol).

20. Get Lifted- John Legend (this is only on here because it has production from Kanye, and I’m not at home with all of my music to pull up better debut albums)

19. I- Led Zeppelin (easily my favorite classic rock album of all time)

18. The Carnival- Wyclef Jean (I remember my mom got this album for me when I was like 10 or 11 years old. Amazing album)

17. Jada Kiss- Kiss the game goodbye (that line, “I got you scared I can tell/ I get bucks like Milwaukee cuz like Sam I can sell” made me a Jada fan from that point on)

16. St. Elsewhere- Gnarles Barkley (only the second weirdest album I own, but it’s production is amazing. Danger Mouse is a beast)

15. Obie Trice- Cheers (probably one of the most slept on albums of all time. Obie Trice is a great MC)

14. Styles P- A gangster and a gentleman (this album has like four or five crazy stories on it and he and Jada connect on a few songs, they switch off better than anyone on a verse since Run DMC)

13. Reasonable Doubt- Jay-Z (Some classic songs on this album like 22 two’s and Feelin It. I probably would have been a Jay-Z fan before the Black Album came out if I had heard this before I heard the Blueprint)

12. Baduizm- Erykah Badu (Neo-Soul at its best. Songs like Apple Tree and Four leaf clover stay in my playlists.)

11. Back for the first time- Ludacris (Anyone who slept on this album was a damn foul. Punch lines galore.)

10. Black on Both Sides- Mos Def (New World Water still may be my favorite Most Def song and I LOVED rock and roll)

9. Back to Black- Amy Winehouse (For all of you who think she’s just some crack whore: Listen to this fucking album. Every track on here is amazing – and every track on her real debut album, “Frank,” is amazing too. Find me one other artist who put out two albums with no bad songs, just one.

8. RUN D.M.C.- Run DMC (Run DMC will forever remain my favorite rap duo. They changed the world with this album. Anyone who doesn’t feel Rock Box or Sucker M.C.s needs to kill themselves.)

7. Lord Willin'- Clipse (I don’t care if the whole album is about selling coke, this shit was amazing from beginning to end. I must have played this shit non stop for three months when it dropped.)

6. Juslisen- Musiq Soulchild (This nigga came on the scene and lifted the R&B game up with this album. This is the epitome of contemporary Neo-Soul for generation-xers.

5. 36 Chambers- Wu Tang (What do I need to say about this album. Wu Tang changed hip hop with this album. How many times have you heard someone say C.R.E.A.M. in another nigga’s verse? How many times have you been pumped when you heard that hideous ODB howl? M-E-T-H-O-D Man? C’mon, you know this shit was amazing.)

4. Illmatic- Nas (Well, there’ll be no more surprises from here on out if you know me. I can’t emphasize enough how ill the song Halftime is. It may be my favorite song of all time. I mean, he said it himself “with no famous guest appearances, the outcome, I’m crowned the best lyricist.” Illmatic is one of those albums that will live on forever.

3. Food and Liquor- Lupe Fiasco (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played this album, and I’ve been amazed by what this nigga says every time I listen to it. He has a ridiculous balance of punch lines/storytelling that seems unmatched. I don’t know if there is a better MC out (right now) who is matching his skills lyrically [and I’m willing to go line for line with anyone who doesn’t agree])

2. The College Dropout- Kanye West (we all know how I feel about Kanye West, but this album is head and heels about both of his others. He put so much of himself into this album and it had something everyone could relate to. And I don’t even need to get into the production of this album. This is about as perfect as a mainstream debut album can get.

1. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill- Lauryn Hill (If I were creating a list of top 10 hip hop albums, this would crack the top 5. I created a list of the top 10 R&B albums, this would crack the top 5. if I created a list of the top 10 albums of all time, this would crack the top 5. Hill not only rapped and sang pretty much every thing on this album, but she also wrote all of the music, arranged it and produced it. She is the most talented woman of my lifetime. Bar none.

Phillip on work…

I burnt the fuck out of my thumb on the ID machine today. Ouch. And I’ve just realized that kids born in the 90s are starting to get to college this year. Yikes! I must be getting old. Time to hurry up and graduate. But uh… time to get out of here.

Stay Hideous
-PB